♟️Strategy - The Directive

❓ Why

Strategic coaching cuts through mental noise by issuing a directive — a purposeful action assigned during or between sessions. A directive isn’t just a suggestion — it’s an intentional disruption of patterns. While some directives are straightforward, the real magic emerges when we enter paradox.

A paradoxical directive helps the client let go of resistance by turning the logical script inside out. It's not about manipulation — it’s about ignition. Strategic paradox gives the subconscious permission to disobey the conscious mind's defenses. That’s when real change begins.

🧠 Tony Robbins Quote

“Change happens when the pain of staying the same is greater than the pain of change.” — Tony Robbins

💡 What

The Directive is the cornerstone of strategic coaching. It’s the moment a coach offers the client a next-step action that:

• Increases personal responsibility
• Illuminates stuck patterns
• Creates emotional leverage

Types of Directives:

1. Direct – “Call your mother right now and ask how she’s doing.”
2. Indirect – “One of these days, you might find yourself dialing your mother’s number.”
3. Paradoxical – “Don’t be so nice to your mother that she might have a heart attack.”
4. Metaphorical - "You're wrapping their wounds in silk, but never cleaning the infection underneath."

Each form plays with reality in different ways — all rooted in movement, awareness, and empowerment. Whether it’s a relationship breakthrough, emotional release, or behavioral shift, directives help clients not just talk about change — but embody it.

🔧 How

Strategic coaching with directives follows a simple but powerful 4-step process.

1. Spot the Pattern

Begin by listening for repeated loops — emotional, behavioral, or belief-based — especially those tied to relationships and interaction. Look for signs of guilt, blame, avoidance, or helplessness. These loops signal a client is stuck in a story that needs interruption.

2. Select the Right Directive

Tailor the directive to the client's current level of openness:

• Direct: Best when clarity, urgency, or action is needed.
  “Call your mother now.”
• Indirect: Use when resistance is high or subtlety is required.
  “One day, you might find yourself reaching for the phone.”
• Paradoxical: Ideal for high-impact transformation — it breaks mental patterns through surprise, humor, or reversal.
  “Don’t be so nice to your mother that she has a heart attack.”
• Metaphorical: Powerful when addressing emotional depth, inner conflict, or subconscious patterns.
  “You keep sealing the cracks with gold, but the foundation’s still shifting underneath.”

3. Deliver with Intention

Use paradox as soft shock therapy. The goal isn’t to confuse — it’s to bypass defenses through creative disruption.

• Speak with curiosity and warmth, never cruelty.
• If the client seems confused or uneasy, explain the rationale:
  "This may sound strange, but here's what I want you to notice..."

4. Debrief the Experience

In the next session:

• Ask: What did you feel as you followed the directive?
• Explore: What shifted in your thinking, feeling, or behavior?
• Integrate: What new pattern is now ready to take shape?

This reflection creates space to lock in the insight, revise any residual resistance, and choose the #NextAction⏭️ toward lasting transformation.

🧪 Core 100 Directive Examples

Module 11 - Coaching Film

In the context of relationships, this fits into the 7 Relationship Skills (Core 100 Module 11 - Suzanne and Ole)

Direct Verbal Directives:
1. "Repeat after me" (used multiple times to engage Ole)
2. "Look in her eyes"
3. "Breathe in your heart"
4. "Stay out of your head. Stay in your heart"
5. "Think of something you're grateful for"
6. "Say his name"

Instructional Directives:
Physical positioning directives:
- "Cross over like this"
- "Tap on each side"
- "Put your hand on your heart"
- "Put your hand on your forehead"

2. Emotional Directives:
- "Feel the power of your heart"
- "Think about filling up with love"
- "Feel the feeling of your heart"

3. Behavioral Directives:
- "Give her the attention she needs"
- "Challenge your relationship"
- "Get over your hurt"

The directives are designed to:
- Interrupt existing negative patterns
- Create new emotional experiences
- Guide the couple to deeper understanding
- Shift their physiological and emotional states

These directives are a key therapeutic technique used to create immediate, transformative experiences for Suzanne and Ole.

Module 14 - Power Session

Cloé Madanes describes a paradoxical intervention through a case study involving Ricky, her student, who worked with a depressed woman. The intervention involved her husband saying something completely opposite to his usual supportive approach - telling her to "drop dead witch" and that he would marry someone else if she died. This unexpected approach, detailed from [0:12:24] to [0:20:26] by Cloé Madanes, was designed to shock the patient out of her passive state. In this case, the intervention worked, as the woman subsequently decided to pursue her long-suppressed desire to study psychology and become a professional, breaking free from her depressive state.

"drop dead witch" and that he would marry someone else if she died.

More Examples

🟧 Physical Order (Body, Action, Environment)

• Direct:
  “I want you to clean one room in your house before our next session — as a symbol of creating internal space for change.”
• Indirect:
  “You might notice one day this week that you’re already reaching for the broom, almost as if your body knows it’s time to let something go.”
• Metaphorical:
  “Your living space is like your inner world — when the floor is clear, your path becomes clearer.”
• Paradoxical:
  “Try your hardest to hold onto every piece of clutter — emotional and physical — until you feel so overwhelmed that you beg yourself to release it.”

🟦 Intellectual Order (Thoughts, Beliefs, Mindsets)

• Direct:
  “Write down the top three limiting beliefs you say to yourself and rewrite each into an empowering truth.”
• Indirect:
  “At some point this week, a thought may surprise you — something you’ve believed forever might start to sound unfamiliar.”
• Metaphorical:
  “Imagine your mind is like a courtroom — are you acting as the judge, the lawyer, or the accused? Who really gets to decide the truth?”
• Paradoxical:
  “Double down on your negative belief — assume it’s completely true and try to live by it perfectly. Let’s see how that works out.”

🟢 Social Order (Relationships, Roles, Interactions)

• Direct:
  “Have a five-minute check-in conversation with your partner or teammate using only listening — no advice, no defense.”
• Indirect:
  “One day soon, you might find yourself simply being present in a moment of tension, without needing to fix it.”
• Metaphorical:
  “What if your role in this relationship is like a dance? Are you leading, following, or stepping on their toes?”
• Paradoxical:
  “Be so controlling in the next conversation that it completely backfires. Let the chaos show you what collaboration really is.”

🔴 Spiritual Order (Purpose, Meaning, Identity, Alignment)

• Direct:
  “Set aside ten minutes tomorrow to reflect on your purpose — write down what your highest self would say to you today.”
• Indirect:
  “You may find yourself catching a glimpse of something deeper this week — a sense of connection, a still small voice reminding you who you really are.”
• Metaphorical:
  “Your life right now is like a stained-glass window. You only see the design when the light shines through from a higher source.”
• Paradoxical:
  “Try so hard to manufacture meaning that you become exhausted — and then notice where the real sense of purpose quietly emerges.”

These directive types help new and seasoned coaches tailor their interventions to the client’s readiness and resistance levels, while anchoring actions to one of the Four Orders for holistic growth.

📚 Resources

• Book: Strategic Family Therapy by Cloe Madanes
• Article: Holding Paradox by Kenny Kane
• Article: Change Happens when... by Jason Agency
• Practice Tool: Take 10-15 mins with a coaching partner. Share a challenge, offer a directive (any type), and discuss it together.