Train of Joy - ADHD & Autism
The Challenge
Having struggled myself with ADHD and Autistic Traits and kids who are neuro-divergent it's been a whirlwind of learning and struggle of learning to relate to other people, including myself. Challenges like task management burn-out, or becoming too analytical and disconnected from others, or forgetting my child-self and the joy and then going too extreme on forgetting my adult responsibilities to nurture my inner child that is screaming for relief so I can feel regulated again.
When one is particularly sense to nervous system stimulation and easily dysregulated several coping mechanism and adaptive behaviors develop.
Some of those behaviors are our super-power, and some are not useful and are "mal-adaptive" - meaning they served a purpose once but are not useful in our current life or a particular situation.
Coaching Clients with ADHD and Autism
As a coach, working with clients who have ADHD and Autism presents unique challenges and incredible opportunities. These individuals often possess heightened sensitivity to emotional and spiritual energy, alongside extraordinary creativity and insight. However, they may struggle to maintain motivation for adult responsibilities, especially when their "inner child" feels neglected or suppressed, or may struggle to regulate intense emotions when they can be so analytical.
Today we'll explore how to help clients balance their inner child’s energy with their adult self’s responsibilities. We’ll also address how to foster sustainable energy and motivation for tackling less exciting tasks while honoring their unique needs.
Train Metaphor
The relationship between the inner child and the adult self can be beautifully illustrated using the metaphor of a steam engine. Imagine the inner child as the firebox, 🔥 where flames of enthusiasm and creativity generate the steam that powers the entire system. When this fire is nurtured and fueled with joy, play, and inspiration, it produces the energy needed to propel the train forward. However, if the fire is neglected, extinguished, or stifled, the engine grinds to a halt, leaving the train without momentum or direction.
The adult self serves as the engineer 🚂, responsible for channeling the steam to ensure the train stays on track and reaches its destination. The engineer provides structure, purpose, and a sense of direction, ensuring the energy created by the fire is used effectively. Yet, if the engineer becomes overbearing, constantly demanding output without tending to the fire, the engine risks burnout—a state where neither energy nor progress can be sustained.
a state where neither energy nor progress
can be sustained.
To keep the engine running smoothly, there must be a balance & integration. The fire must be regularly tended with moments of joy, creativity, and rest, ensuring the inner child feels valued and energized. Simultaneously, the engineer must wisely regulate the steam, knowing when to push forward and when to pause for maintenance. This harmonious dynamic teaches us the importance of integrating play and responsibility, enabling sustainable energy and motivation for the journey ahead.
Train Metaphor in Review
The dynamic between the inner child and adult is like a steam engine:
- The inner child is the fire generating steam (enthusiasm and energy). If neglected or extinguished, the engine loses power.
- The adult self is the engineer, guiding the steam's flow to keep the train on track (providing structure and purpose).
- For the engine to run efficiently, the fire must be tended (joy and creativity), and the engineer must regulate the steam flow to prevent burnout (balance and rest).
“Energy flows where attention goes.”
- Tony Robbins
Understanding the Inner Child and Adult Dynamic
The inner child represents creativity, excitement, and energy. It thrives on play and joy and is a crucial source of motivation for tasks. In contrast, the adult self focuses on responsibility, structure, and logic. When these two parts are disconnected, clients may find themselves overwhelmed by adult tasks or drained of energy when the inner child’s enthusiasm is stifled.
For clients with ADHD and Autism, this dynamic is even more pronounced because of their heightened sensitivity to emotions and spiritual energy. This often leads to:
- Overwhelm from emotional or sensory input
- Difficulty staying engaged in mundane tasks
- Burnout from suppressing their inner child
Your role as a coach is to help these clients create harmony between their inner child and adult self so they can sustain motivation and energy in both joyful and challenging activities.
Energy Regulation
- Emotional and Spiritual Integration
Clients often absorb others’ emotions or energies, leading to confusion and exhaustion. Teach them to differentiate their emotions from others’ and release what isn’t theirs.- Practice: Visualization exercises for creating an emotional “shield” can help them filter out negative energies.
What is it? the activation of mirror neurons, which allow us to understand and mimic the actions, emotions, or intentions of others by experiencing them as if they were our own.
- Physical Health as a Foundation
Sustainable energy starts with a healthy body. Emphasize the importance of sleep, nutrition, hydration, and movement.- Practice: Help clients design a simple, consistent self-care routine to ensure their body supports their energy needs.
- Mindfulness for Presence and Clarity
Mindfulness helps clients reconnect with the present moment, reducing overwhelm and enhancing focus.- Practice: Introduce grounding techniques like deep breathing, sensory focus, or nature walks to calm their mind and body.
Activities that are physical that get one into a trance state are also a way of resetting or regulating the brain i.e. (Walking, Hiking, Swimming, Dancing, Yoga, Tai Chi, Playing Music, Gardening, Breathwork)
“When you change your energy, you change your life.”
- Dr Joe Dispenza
“Your energy introduces you before you even speak.” - Dr Joe Dispenza
Now Let's get Practical
Staying Motivated While Doing Adult Tasks
1. Balance Play and Responsibility
The inner child craves excitement, while the adult focuses on getting things done. Motivation comes from blending these perspectives. Find ways to make tasks engaging or enjoyable, like turning them into challenges or pairing them with something fun.
Example: Turn cleaning into a game by racing a timer, or listen to your favorite music while tackling chores. These small shifts keep your inner child engaged and your adult self productive.
this helps my mind have something to do that's interesting while my body can go into a sort of "auto-pilot".
2. Reframe Adult Tasks
Instead of seeing tasks as boring or burdensome, connect them to personal values or long-term goals. When tasks feel meaningful, they become more motivating.
Example: Paying bills isn’t just a chore—it’s building financial stability for future adventures or creating a secure home. By reframing the purpose, even mundane tasks can feel fulfilling.
3. Foster Cooperation Between Inner Parts
If the inner child feels ignored, energy and enthusiasm may fade. On the other hand, if the inner child takes over, responsibilities may get neglected. Cultivate a dialogue between these parts to find balance.
Example: Before starting a task, ask, “How can my inner child make this fun, and how can my adult self guide the process?” Journaling is a great tool for this—write as your inner child expressing needs, and let your adult self respond with kindness and a plan.
4. Incorporate Rest and Recharge
Sustainable energy comes from balancing effort with rest. This is especially vital for those with high emotional or sensory sensitivity. Breaks and downtime aren’t laziness—they’re essential for maintaining energy and focus.
Example: Encourage regular moments of creative play or relaxation, like a quick walk or quiet time. Rest is fuel for both the inner child and adult self, keeping motivation steady.
By integrating play, purpose, balance, and rest, clients can stay motivated while handling life’s responsibilities with more energy and joy.
How to Foster Sustainable Energy and Motivation
- Create a Dialogue Between Inner Child and Adult:
- Visualize or journal a conversation where the inner child shares what they need to feel excited and the adult provides structure and guidance.
- Use Rhythms and Routines:
- Build predictable routines that alternate between work and play, engaging both parts. For example, tackle a task for 20 minutes, then take a 10-minute creative or playful break.
- Prioritize Joy Daily:
- Include activities purely for fun or creativity in daily life. This nurtures the inner child and creates energy reserves for less exciting tasks.
- Practice Gentle Accountability:
- Use external tools like timers, apps, or accountability partners to gently guide the adult self without overwhelming the inner child.
- Or sometimes what we need is social accountability from a friend, who's nice but won't allow us to slide. Tough and Tender.
- Connect Tasks to Values:
- Remind yourself of the "why" behind tasks. For example, cleaning a home can feel like nurturing a space where both your inner child and adult thrive.
Final Thoughts for Coaches
Coaching clients with ADHD and Autism requires empathy, creativity, and a deep understanding of their unique sensitivities and strengths. By helping them balance their inner child’s energy with their adult self’s responsibilities, you empower them to sustain motivation and navigate life’s challenges with joy and resilience.
Encourage your clients to see their sensitivity not as a weakness but as a strength—a source of insight, creativity, and deep connection. With your support, they can learn to harness these gifts while maintaining the energy and balance needed to thrive.
By embracing these strategies, you can make a meaningful impact on your clients’ lives, helping them build sustainable energy, find motivation, and create a life that honors their whole self.
The inner child is like a firebox, fueling the steam engine with energy and creativity, while the adult self is the engineer, guiding the train with purpose. Neglect the fire, and the train stops; overwork it, and burnout follows. Balance joy and responsibility for sustainable energy and progress.
Member discussion