How do I get Confidence?

The level of joy you experience isn’t dictated by what’s happening around you; it’s driven by where you place your focus.

Building Confidence: Lessons from a Ski Trip

Hey, everyone! It's Ben Cassani here. Today, I want to explore the concept of confidence and how you can acquire it. Recently, I had an experience with my son that provided a deep insight into building confidence. So, let's dive right in!

The Head and Heart Conflict

Our journey starts with an idea that I often share with my clients: when your heart and your head aren't communicating effectively, conflicts arise. These conflicts can diminish our joy because we're not growing, learning, or exploring. Life presents us with numerous polarities such as certainty vs. uncertainty, love vs. connection, and contribution vs. growth. It often feels like only one side can exist at a time, but this story will show how to blend them seamlessly.

In January, I took my son skiing for the first time. My dad had taught me by simply letting me go down the mountain and crash, and I thought I'd do the same. However, my son needed more guidance. When we got off the lift, I reassured him through the easy part, but then we faced a run aptly named "Confidence."

At first, my son was apprehensive. He became emotional, complained about various issues, and resisted my help. Eventually, I had to make the tough decision to walk us both down the mountain.

A Change in Strategy

At the base, a friend of mine, Joe, who is on the ski patrol, suggested we try the bunny hill. This shift in approach was a game-changer. Joe showed my son the basics: how to stop, how to control his speed, and how to maintain balance. My son’s anxiety began to melt away as he learned these foundational skills in a low-pressure environment.

Finding Control

As Joe coached my son, he allowed him to take charge of his own learning. Joe provided guidance, but he also knew when to step back and let my son figure things out on his own.

My son’s confidence grew with each small victory. He felt more in control of his skiing and less fearful of falling. The more he practiced, the more joyful and enthusiastic he became about learning.

His focus changed from outward pressure to his "internal sense of control", he was going at his own speed.

Important Lessons

There are three critical lessons I took away from this experience:

1. The Role of a Good Teacher: A good teacher knows when to step back and let the student be their own guide. My friend Joe embodied this perfectly.

2. The Importance of a Supportive Environment: Being surrounded by friends and peers who are also learning helps immensely. It makes the learning process feel less isolated and more communal.

3. Self-Guidance: Ultimately, you need to be your own guide. Listen to yourself, understand your comfort levels, and advance at your own pace. Confidence comes from internal belief and external practice.

Be your own guide!

Conclusion

As my son learned to ski, he also learned to control his own journey, finding joy and confidence along the way. His relationship with Joe—a friend, mentor, and teacher—was crucial in this process. He transformed from a scared beginner to someone who embraced challenges with a smile.

In life, just as on the slopes, we need to balance guidance with independence, find good teachers, and learn alongside supportive peers. Embrace your journey, build your confidence one step at a time, and most importantly, ...
find joy in the process.

Have an awesome day, and I hope you found value in this story. See you next time!

The joy we feel has little to do with the circumstances of our lives and everything to do with the focus of our lives."
- Russell M Nelson