Don't Spread The Pain and Confusion

Heal What’s Underneath: Why We Need to Stop Hiding Our Vulnerable Selves

As coaches, we often believe we have to show up strong—with clarity, direction, and confidence. After all, people come to us for solutions. But beneath the posture of certainty, many of us are still carrying something fragile and unspoken: the part of us that flinches when things go quiet. That inner voice that whispers:
“You’re in trouble.”

It’s a pattern that began long before our adult lives. Maybe from a childhood where love felt conditional or limited. Where mistakes brought shame. Where fear wasn’t allowed a voice.

Instead of questioning the pattern, we perform over it.

But what if we paused?
What if we asked:

“Is this still true?”

We often quote Tony Robbins:

“The quality of your life is the quality of the emotions you consistently feel.”

But what happens when those emotions are buried under a smile, a clipboard, and a schedule?

We think we’re managing our emotions—but really, we’re transmitting them.

Or, as one line from a recent song says so clearly:

“Heal what’s underneath, don’t spread the pain and confusion.”

When we avoid what’s raw inside, we don’t just numb ourselves—we risk projecting onto others:

• We become fixers instead of mirrors
• We confuse empathy with enmeshment
• We give advice from our wounds, not our wisdom

But vulnerability isn’t weakness. It’s the birthplace of trust.

When we have the courage to be seen—to sit with our own discomfort rather than hide behind perfection—we become safe people. We model realness, not just results.

Your clients don’t need you to be flawless.
They need you to be whole.
Present. Grounded. Human.

So the next time fear rises up, and you feel like you're “in trouble” for simply being human—pause.
Breathe.
Get curious.

Because you don’t have to be perfect to be powerful.
You just have to be honest enough to heal what’s underneath.