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Ⓜ️ Model - The 4 Levels

Discover the 4L Model, a guide to emotional and spiritual growth through four transformative stages: control, love, protection, and forgiveness. Learn how to navigate these stages and unlock your highest potential in relationships and personal development.
Ⓜ️ Model - The 4 Levels
Photo by Suzi Kim / Unsplash

What are the Four Levels

The 4 Dimensions Model outlines four stages of emotional and spiritual development, illustrating how people relate to one another and grow over time. Each stage corresponds to specific needs and challenges, forming a progression from basic self-concern to the highest levels of forgiveness and transformation.
This concept comes from Cloé Madanes book The Therapist

These stages are:

  1. The Need to Dominate and Control
  2. The Need to Be Loved
  3. The Need to Love and Protect Others
  4. The Need to Repent and Forgive


Why Use This Model

The 4L Model provides a framework for understanding where individuals are in their emotional and spiritual development. By identifying these stages, coaches, mentors, and leaders can:

  • Address specific challenges at each level.
  • Provide tailored guidance to help individuals grow.
  • Cultivate healthier relationships and personal transformation.
  • Foster deeper spiritual awareness and emotional well-being.

Understanding these stages helps coaches guide people toward their highest potential while avoiding the pitfalls of getting stuck at any one level.


How to Use This Model

  1. Identify the Current Stage: Determine which stage a person is currently operating in based on their behaviors, motivations, and emotional challenges.
  2. Address Stage-Specific Challenges: Tailor coaching approaches to address the unique needs of each stage, helping the individual resolve issues and move forward.
  3. Encourage Progression: Guide the person to the next stage by fostering the development of healthier patterns and attitudes.
  4. Recognize the Spiral Nature: Understand that growth is not linear. People may revisit stages throughout life, refining and deepening their emotional and spiritual maturity.

Example: Applying the Model

Consider a coaching scenario where an individual feels consumed by fear and control issues (Stage 1). This person might have difficulty trusting others or relinquishing control. As a coach, you would:

  • Help them identify the underlying fears driving their need to dominate.
  • Encourage small acts of surrender and trust to build a sense of security.
  • Support them in shifting their focus toward seeking love and connection

For instance, suggest journaling exercises to explore fears or guide them in practicing gratitude to shift their mindset from control to openness.


A Guide for Coaches

The 4L Model offers an invaluable tool for helping individuals navigate their spiritual and emotional journeys. Below is a deeper dive into each stage to equip coaches with practical insights:

1. The Need to Dominate and Control (Stage 1)

  • Characteristics: Motivated by fear and a desire for power. Relationships may feel exploitative, and individuals often prioritize personal advantage.
  • Coaching Focus: Help clients transition from fear-driven control to a desire for love and connection. Techniques include fostering self-awareness, addressing limiting beliefs, and creating a safe environment for growth.

2. The Need to Be Loved (Stage 2)

  • Characteristics: Focused on receiving love and validation but can lead to excessive demands, selfishness, or feelings of inadequacy. I see feeling important or significant as part of level 2.
  • Coaching Focus: Encourage clients to shift from seeking love to giving love. Address feelings of loneliness or unworthiness by promoting self-love and healthy connections.

3. The Need to Love and Protect Others (Stage 3)

  • Characteristics: A desire to care for others, which can inspire compassion but may also result in possessiveness or guilt if taken to extremes.
  • Coaching Focus: Help clients balance their need to protect with fostering autonomy in relationships. Address guilt or despair by encouraging healthy boundaries and self-care.

4. The Need to Repent and Forgive (Stage 4)

  • Characteristics: Focused on making amends and letting go of past hurts. This stage represents the highest level of emotional and spiritual maturity.
  • Coaching Focus: Assist clients in finding closure through forgiveness and repentance. Encourage them to reclaim their sense of agency and purpose by focusing on present and future growth.

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Little Tip: I relate the four levels to the 4 Archetypes
- Warrior = Dominate & Control
- Magician = Feel Important
- Lover = to Love & Protect Others
- Sovereign/Goddess = Repent & Forgive

In essence these are levels of consciousness one can choose to ascend.
And yet each of them has a place in our lives.

Conclusion

The four levels are a continuum and the coach needs to identify where the person is in these dimensions and help them to move to the next level. During the course of a person’s life the dimensions are like a spiral and what is desirable is not to get stuck at any one level.

The provides a clear, actionable framework for addressing emotional and spiritual challenges. By recognizing and guiding individuals through these stages, coaches can unlock profound personal transformation. Whether working with someone struggling to relinquish control or helping a client find the courage to forgive, this model serves as a compass for meaningful growth and healing.

The Therapist as Humanist, Social Activist, and Systemic Thinker...

by Cloé Madanes (see pg 19 for Pattern Reference)

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