Mar 22, 2025 2 min read

14 Habits of Miserable People

Ever wonder what keeps people stuck in misery? Cloe Madanes identifies 14 habits that can make life harder than it needs to be. But the good news? Recognizing these patterns gives us the power to break free and create a life filled with purpose, joy, and fulfillment.

Photo by Annie Spratt / Unsplash

Cloe published an article on the 14 habits here, I suggest you read it.

Why

Understanding these habits is crucial because awareness is the first step toward transformation. If we unconsciously practice behaviors that lead to unhappiness, we can’t expect a fulfilling life. By identifying these patterns, we can replace them with habits that cultivate happiness and resilience.

So if you aspire to make yourself miserable, what are the best, most proven techniques for doing it?

What

Cloe Madanes, a leading family therapist, outlines 14 habits that lead to misery, such as fearing economic loss, focusing on the past or future, avoiding close relationships, and engaging in negative self-talk. These habits create emotional distress, limit potential, and keep people stuck in cycles of negativity.

1. Be afraid, be very afraid, of economic loss.
2. Practice sustained boredom.
3. Give yourself a negative identity.
4. Pick fights. (So that you avoid close relationships)
5. Attribute bad intentions
6. Whatever you do, do it only for personal gain.
7. Avoid gratitude. (Engage in negative self-talk)
8. Always be alert and in a state of anxiety.
9. Blame your parents.
10. Don’t enjoy life’s pleasures. (Ignore your own needs)
11. Ruminate (Blame others for your problems)
12. Glorify or vilify the past. (Give up on goals and dreams)
13. Find a romantic partner to reform.
14. Be critical (Lose touch with your values and beliefs)

Example

Let’s apply this to the Four Orders (Physical, Intellectual, Social, Spiritual) to create balance and joy in life.

🟧 Physical – Prioritize self-care and movement. Exercise reduces stress and prevents stagnation. Replace avoidance with action—if you’re stuck, go for a walk or stretch to reset your energy.

🟦 Intellectual – Shift negative thought patterns. If you find yourself ruminating on the past or fearing the future, use journaling or cognitive reframing to challenge these thoughts.

🟢 Social – Cultivate relationships rather than isolate. If you tend to withdraw when stressed, intentionally reach out to a friend or engage in a community activity to build positive connections.

🔴 Spiritual – Reconnect with your core values. If you feel disconnected from your purpose, spend time in meditation, prayer, or reflective practices to realign with what truly matters.

The quality of your life is the quality of your habitual emotions – your "emotional home."
- Tony Robbins