Have you ever sat down on a quite Sunday and taken a look at your life and wondered, where am I going? And did any of this stuff matter?
Here I am on a Sunday sitting back and reflecting on my week.
So, this past week, I didn't manage my triggers well. I did not have very much sleep staying up most of the night. Earlier in the week I thought I was doing well, but by the end of the week I wasn't handling things well.
I had a talk with my coworker earlier in the week on Monday. He didn't like how well I'm performing at work in certain aspects. You know those "hard conversations" where things get emotional. The kind where you deal with hard things in the conversation where it gets personal and hard.
Hopefully, you address the misconceptions head on and with some dignity and respect for each other. As well as questions like, "how do we improve things?" and "how do we improve accountability for everyone involved?"
The other night while watching the news I got angry. I became really upset and I didn't handle it well. I started spiraling, you ever do that?
Then I continued spinning those intense overwhelming feelings inside. This drove me to stay up all night. Then I went into trying to solve my anger or distract myself from all these intense feelings. I didn't feel I knew how to deal with these feelings and thoughts.
Have you ever had a feeling become so intense it's nearly unbearable?
I did journal time, I meditated. I then went on a distraction frenzy. I began surfing the web and playing around with mental distractions. I found a note taking app. Then I endlessly distracted myself with the fun features, buttons and such. I spent the night idealizing and daydreaming of a perfect organizational system. Somehow I felt like I was dreaming "oh yah, if I just get my life organized just perfectly so then I'll be happy."
That's the thing with feelings.
Sometimes feelings are hard!
Then later this week I was reading an article by Clayton Christensen in my Evernote collection titled, "How will you measure your life?".
As I was reading this article is really hit me. You know like a bullseye ?, or like when the light-bulb ? goes on! Ding! I had originally read this article back in 2015 and the article came out in 2012 and here I am feeling like I'm just starting to get and internalize the point in 2020.
I don't really know my purpose, or in other words I'm not clear on my purpose and it's not "Front And Center" in my life.
Then I thought about this framework below. I call it the "Light Framework". Someday I hope to teach a course about it. For now I'll just reference it.
- Why am I constantly learning, but never coming to a state of constant success?
- Why do I feel like I'm rehearsing the same problems with people over and over?
- Why do I keep getting feedback, that I'm not consistent, disciplined and that I'm not really contributing to what matters?
- Why do I keep feeling like I'm not living in more powerful manner?
You know the feeling of when you just feel like yourself, and when you feel in the groove and even if it's hard it's what you really want in your heart of hearts.
How do you use your:
- Personal Time?
Really how do you use them?
If you are like me, sometimes you may be wondering?
- What am I doing all the things I'm doing for?
- Who For? What For?
- Why? What's the purpose? What's my vision?
Now I realize some people may not struggle with this like me, but I realize that there's somebody out there who may be struggling just like me.
As I was recently thinking about values (while listening to the book Dare to Lead) and how important it is to clarify them. Clarify them to oneself, clarify them with my wife, clarify them with my kids and coworkers.
So here are some of my most important values:
- Love God (Universe or your Creator is another way to put it)
- Love others (so this includes self care, the proper balance of managing group-care ~Loving Other ~ with ~Self-Care ~ loving ourselves)
- My family
- Meaningful impact life, that builds up other people. The kind of service where I feel fulfilled deeply.
- I love my career, not everything about it, but I absolutely love learning, overcoming challenges and emotionally maturing, although not always easy, so in essence, becoming a more responsible, capable person.
- Overcoming my ego and training my body/nervous system so I can be a more enjoyable and useful person. So build my character and improve my health.
- Nothing has bothered me so much as work initiatives, programs, systems, apps, tools and cultures where the real need isn't meet. I've loved being a business analyst because I can discover the real problem, dig in and hopefully address the issue in a more meaningful way. I genuinely love seeing the faces of people light up when the solution meets the pain point and people's lives are changed for the better.
So as I close this post... I ponder... ?
Q: How do I keep my purpose front and center, and then at the end of my life I feel I was on-track?
When my lifetime is wrapping up I would hope I'm still married, not divorced. My wife and I enjoy our relationship and it's only grown, not gone on cruise control.
My kids are decent god-fearing people, good citizens, individuals of character, a good influence in their community, are capable individuals in their careers, families and their own lives. Where I use all my energy and skills to impact people not just daydream about it and never got out there and risk a piece of my soul and identity to make this world a better place.
I want to feel like people will miss me when I die, because I helped them along this journey. I don't want to sit on the sidelines anymore, worrying about survival, trying to struggle from week to week. I want to master my emotions, behaviors so I can say I was a useful person, not just a "good" person. I want to be able to say my kids thought I did a respectable job because of the kind of character they developed.
So, as I close up, I invite you, to slow down, set a timer for 20 minutes, an hour whatever works, and just think and feel.
(No distractions please, turn the phone off if you can and put it in another room)
- Do you really know your purpose? Do you feel like you've clarified your own values?
- Are you acting in alignment with the values that matter most to you?
- Are you living in a way that blesses the future you, to others who matter most to you and the future version of those people that matter most to you?
For a fun exercise check out this self-coherence tool.
Bentosim.org (guide to self-coherence)
What will you do this week to really become aligned with your values?
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